Sunday, 20 October 2013

Porn, popes and a loose grip on reality.

Madness has apparently become infectious; everyone has caught the whiff in recent weeks apart from the clergy; because they said so and they should know. Meanwhile in the wave of sexuality that hasn't existed in every single mammal that has ever lived apparently sweeps over the children of the U.K. turning them into rampant sex beasts.

The archbishop of Canterbury has declared that he, and other people that believe in spiritual things, are in no way mental. A sign of mental illness is hearing voices in ones head; as a voice for the ultimate deity one can only assume that Justin Welby can not only hear voices but presumably he knows who is doing the speaking.

There is a fair amount of religious people, they seem to be all over the place at times; statistically, even if one assumes that the majority of them are sane, there will be a certain remaining demographic that has a more tenuous grasp of reality. It might be less of a leap if one believes, for example, that an ethereal being demands the removal of a body part that he created for the benefit of the owner, to step across the threshold into the realm of the genuinely crazed.    

People who think they are Jesus might be mad, presumably they are also religious; it would be going to far, possibly, not only to declare yourself as Christ but then pointing out that you don’t exist either. Or perhaps you do exist; you just aren't the son of God, how did you come back?

The Archbishop of Canterbury: 'If you say I'm mad I'll cut
you, I'm imagining it now.'
In 2011 Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hemandez declared himself as Jesus and fired an AK47 at the Whitehouse, the motivation for this is the fact that Barak Obama is the antichrist. Which is fair enough as far I’m concerned; religious freedom in a developed country means that people should have the right to act according to their beliefs and worship in their own special little way; even if it means rocking back and forth and shouting ‘I hate blacks’ at the top of their voice. 

 To emphasize the sanity that dwells deep in the mind of the spiritual; here is an article written by a person of sound mind indicating Dungeons and Dragons causes people to behave irrationally, which is true, usually by continuing to play it. The problem being it also encourages people to become genuine sorcerers, which is where the argument might fall down. I, however, think that the problem of the youth of today training to be mages and wizards and altering reality to achieve their own evil ends may have been solved for us in advance.   

At this point in the article it becomes apparent that no one has actually accused the Archbishop of Canterbury of being mad; he is just shouting ‘I’m not mad and neither are the others’ without any provocation. This is generally viewed as a bad sign.

Earlier a leader of an earlier religion observed that ‘society was losing the plot’ altogether and everyone was mad for not being Jewish. God is going to be very cross with one of these men as they both believe in very different hats; all being well he will make them fight.

 As madness displays a strong absence amongst the religious fraternity it is clearly evident in school policy. An astonishing decision to combat the sexualization of children by telling them about it when they don’t need to know and aren't interested has taken place. By telling the children about porn, which they don’t know about, they will then be safe from what they haven’t seen and as a result not be influenced by it.

The role of the parents in this is clearly underestimated as they should be casting a cursory glance on what their responsibility has access to; the chances of children having access to hardcore pornography in a primary school seems fairly limited. Or it was, until someone had this frankly stupid idea.

'Where do you put this at the point of orgasm?' U.K
students are put through their paces. 

There is a hypocritical element; presumably the parents of these children did become sexualized at some point on the premise that these children exist at all, unless all the children are Jesus. Perhaps if we can make sure that no-one becomes sexualized then we would not have to teach the children how to be a mammal, no-one would pictures on facebook of their wrinkled offspring or put a pram next to me in a restaurant, the latter being firmly in the top five arguments for contraception.   

Perhaps the best idea would be if people were only allowed to breed by Immaculate Conception; we would pay less tax, restaurants would be quieter and if Jesus did turn up we would know it was him.

Pope Francis spoke openly on the topic of child safety and faith on Thursday in an interview with Elrond Lord of Rivendell: ‘I don’t get why people keep connecting pedophilia and Christianity’, the pontiff stated, ‘Jesus hated bald pussy. Mary Magdalene had a thatch like a Boney M afro and he was up her inner thigh like a spider monkey. The apostle Paul used to tell an anecdote in which Jesus set fire to Mary’s pubic hair to see if it said anything.’  

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

Elfin trousers.

Any politician who uses the term ‘brave political decision’ to describe what ever it is the electorate really don’t want him to do but is going to do anyway is already very aware that he is part off the ruling class. (Google ‘badger cull’.)  

The fact that the British public are being encouraged by the government to marry for their own good is astonishing, he fact that these people genuinely seem to think that they know what is for the benefit of the general public is in its own way deeply disturbing; I thought these people were supposed to organize infrastructure and deal with the bins.
Would someone please explain to me slowly
how this happened?

As a member of this joyful country if you happen to be married then you will be lucky enough to receive a tax break. What in the name of Odin’s interstellar trousers have those two things got to do with each other? You may well ask, and I swear on the cervix of Brittany Spears I have no cocking idea.

I don’t want to get married, neither does the person that I live with and I am sure that there are lots of people like us and plenty more who have simply not met the right person. There is a good chance that these people also claim no benefits, no childcare and generally receive nothing from the government at all.

David Cameron said: "I believe in marriage, alongside the birth of my children, my wedding was the happiest day of my life.” So, he quite likes being married and apparently feels I should try it which is awfully nice of him. The prime minister added: "The values of marriage are give and take, support and sacrifice - values that we need more of in this country." These basic elements of humanity clearly cannot exist prior to or without the utterance of a few words under a gazebo.

It can cost less than one hundred pounds to wed; all you need is a couple of down payments and a roof to carry out the act under, The happy couple will receive two hundred pounds per anum once joyfully joined, which at least means that there is a profit, albeit a rather shit one, to be had.

Is it possible that a deliberate saving could be made by some bad and uncooperative apples that are not overly phased by the sanctity of this pseudo Christian fart-arsery in the first place? Is it possible that this will convince people that they may as well be married as long as it is convenient? If so then it may well add to an already impressive divorce rate which was at 42% in 2010. (National Office of Statistics.) This statistic in itself might also imply that the sanctity of marriage turns out not to be overly sanct. 

The prime minister of the U.K claims to be religious; there is some evidence for this with the reintroduction of faith schools; which once again allows the legal and state supported indoctrination and abuse of children. 

Jeremy Hunt thought he would help out with this meaningless and bizarrely existent debate; for what ever reason. One could enquire what the secretary of state for health has got to do this; while you are doing this why not ponder why the secretary of state for health believes in homeopathic medicine, which is basically the same as a minister for transport who believes in levitation.

Jeremy pointed out that marriage was ‘special’, which is unhelpful: Although presumably he believes a relationship can be special outside of wedlock, as proven by his relationship with News Corp before and during their bid for BskyB in which his actions were entirely above board. Not to mention the ‘special adviser’, of whom Hunt had, that in no way provided a ‘back channel of influence’ for News Corp. If marriage is special and so are advisers do I receive a tax rebate for having one of the latter? 
Look at his magical face: Elves are real, dream
catchers actually catch dreams, homeopathy works
 and the British government is in no way trying to
improve things by wildly wanking into a handbag
instead of doing their actual fucking job.

The concept of believing homeopathy is in any way functional is not a sound basis for rationality or government; no wonder Jeremy thinks that marriage is a little bit magical; he can probably see elves at the foot of his bed weaving fucking dream-catchers.

The only reason not to continue this is the fact that entire subject is based upon the inane gibberings of a coalition that should never have existed in the first place. All that this new development represents is the erasing of the Syria debacle from the long list of Cameron shaped mistakes; it is merely an additional grotesque fold on the corpulent sack of consistently evolving nonsense that is the over-sized seat of British politics.